(no subject)

[cat_13145]

Title: A conversation
Author:< cat_13145
Rating: Pg 13, I'll say. 

Beta: truthiness_aura,
A/N: This comes from the marvel_kink prompt Steve and Tony give Billy and Teddy a hands on demonstration about gay sex.

bonus if its some weird au where Wanda isn't insane and asks her two teams to make sure the boys know what they're doing
It's not a good response, but I hope the prompter likes it.
Summary:  Steve and Tony try to have the talk with Billy.

 

“Wanda asked you to talk to them?”

“Why not?” His back was instinctively up at the surprise in Tony’s tone, even though it had also been his first response when The Scarlet Witch drew him to one side after a team meeting. And that he had tried to get out of it seven times. “I do have the most experience with sidekicks, unless you want to talk to the JLA.”

“Hmmm,” Tony said, ticking off on his fingers. “slut, crazy, baby bird necking in closets; addict, unknown son, child prostitute; supervillian clone, betraying cousin; multiverse chick and Hercules’s cousin, sort of. Yeah, your record is better.”

Steve flushed, preferring not to think of the possibilities.

“But seriously, Steve, do you even know about safe sex?”

Steve shrugged.

“I’ve been reading up on the mechanics, and the basic principles haven’t changed.” He smiled at Tony. “I was on a team with Brian and Roger for five years. Sex stays fairly constant.”

“Yeah, but your generation didn’t have to worry about AIDS.” Sighing, Tony got to his feet. “Just let me sit in. I can help.”

Steve considered the options. On the one hand, Wanda had asked him, specifically, to give this talk, and Tony’s track record on relationships wasn’t too good. But on the other, he was grateful for all the help he could get. Bucky had never seemed to need the Talk and Toro had had Torch to give it to him.

“Alright,” he said, cautiously. “7 o’clock, in the boy’s rooms. Bucky has promised we will not be observed.”

He walked out the room, pretending he didn’t hear Tony’s snort.

*****

“Now son, your mother has asked me to have a talk with you.”

Billy manage to resist the desire to roll his eyes, and wondered if it was nerves that made Cap start talking like he was some 1940’s film star.

“If this is about Saturday, I explained it to you guys. We’re sorry and it won’t happen again.”

“No, it’s not about Saturday. Well, it is and it isn’t.” He drew breath and pulled himself up into what Eli called Cap’s 'addressing the troops' pose. “Son, you’re reaching an age where your body is changing and you’re subjected to certain feelings.”

His mother had promised she’d get back at him...

“God, you’re trying to have the talk with me.”

Cap fumbled midsentence. “What talk?”

“The talk! The birds and bees!” he shook his head. “Look, there’s nothing going on between Tim Drake and me, it was just for a dare, so can we please drop it?”

“What about you and that half Skrull?” Tony interrupted. “You’ve being making eyes at him for a while.”

There were points when Billy’s parentage became astonishingly clear. Normally, it was his brother, Tommy, in which the Lensher genes could be seen. But standing in front of them, his fist clenched, Billy's resemblance to Magneto had never been clearer.

Steve scowled at Tony.

“No one thinks anything about it, son. We just want to make sure you don’t’ get hurt.”

Billy suddenly began to laugh  prompting the two men to look at him strangely.

“I’m sorry.” He managed to get his laughter under some form of control. “But you’ve got to admit, neither of you is precisely the best person to give me this talk.”

As both Cap and Tony stared open-mouthed at him, Billy began muttering under his breath.

“I’m sorry. But if I ever feel the desire to date someone who tries to kill me or you know, if Teddy doesn’t feel the same way, and I want to go on crushing on him for like ever, I promise I’ll come and talk to you.”

He closed his eyes, chanting “Iwanttogetawayfromthem.iwanttogetawayfromthem.”

Smoke made them both cough.

“Honestly!” Tony said. “You can tell who his uncle is at points.”

Steve nodded. “What was he talking about crushing on him forever?”

“He means being in love with him forever, but it’s a bit less strong.”

“No, I meant why he’d want to talk to us about that.”

“You were the one who wanted to keep it a secret. From everyone.”

“I assumed people had some idea.”

Tony shrugged. “You know,” he said, softly, ignoring a faint whirl, as a hidden camera increased its focus. “we are alone with a perfectly good bed.”

Oracle quickly changed the tapes over and restarted the record feature, as Tony began to unbutton his shirt.